Christmas-time is here

So my cousin Sam "DJ Balagan" Hopkins was Dj-ing at Heebonism last night at Fontana's in the Lower East Side. After the party, I went with Sam and his girlfriend Julia to grab some quick, obligatory Jewish Christmas Chinese. We ended up scarfing won-ton's at Fu Zhow Restaurant at 84, Eldridge St . . . mainly because it was serendipitously open at 3 in the morning. In any case, as Sam put is so well : "It's hard to find bad chinese food cooked by chinese people, no matter who they're catering to."

So, Jewish Chinese Xmas food experience checked off the list, I got to thinking that if we Jewish people had Xmas, we'd sure beat the pants off of everyone who's trying so hard to "make it happen" tonight. When Adriana asked me for some examples, I responded :

"We'd put the tree outside, because who knows what that's going to bring in the house ! And we'd invite everyone and Santa Claus would really be Sol Classner, and he'd bring hard candies and schnapps to all good children. And all children are good, after all. So he'd bring them to all the children. And instead of new bikes that are just going to ... Leer másbreak, we'd all get scarves and donations made in our name to the United Jewish Federation. No Ham ! We'd have a brisket and potatonik, chopped liver and applecake. Everyone over 50 would fall asleep by eleven o'clock and all the kids would go out for a wild night !"